I didn’t know thongs could fit well

Like I have spent 25 years not wearing thongs because underwear that does not fit properly is not comfortable and therefore not sexy and therefore not worth my damn time. But my Person asked me to try some, so I went to Victoria’s Secret.
“I’m looking for lace thongs” (because I like lace okay)
“What style do you prefer?”
“As slutty as possible without falling apart.”
She laughed and helped me and I bought some thongs (ahem, v strings, apologies) and MIND BLOWN one style was still ill fitting despite being an XS but the other, sluttier style fits like a freakin DREAM and I just…
Always be honest with salespeople about your needs and expectations, they will lead you to the promised land.
And my ass looks damn good with three itty bitty bows on top of it.

3 years ago 3 notes

ontopofgravity:

I asked one of my (male) friends to stop using the phrase “man up” and he has been using “fortify” for the past two weeks instead and it’s just a little thing but honestly it makes a difference

and tbh it’s also pretty funny when I start to deflate in the library and he leans over and goes “FORTIFY”

(via afternoonsnoozebutton)

3 years ago 343,412 notes

bigenderfeliciano:

[vine: cockatoo holding a plastic cup in one claw, lifting it to its beak, and screaming into it]

Noel laughed at this until he cried and just kept watching it, over and over, and now he wants a cockatoo

(via generalbooty)

3 years ago 206,323 notes
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